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Christmas Cheer


Mitch

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Christmas Story…for people having a bad day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Father Christmas, never the happiest of souls (all that h0-h0-h0-ing is just good PR, and it’s strictly business anyway) was mightily *bleep* off. Several of the elves had gone down with MRSA (picked up in a National Elf Hospital) and the New Deal elves were having problems producing the toys as quickly as the regulars. By December the twenty-third, they were well behind schedule, and Santa was starting to feel the pressure.

 

At lunchtime on Christmas Eve, Mrs Claus happened to mention that her mum was coming, which just made Santa Claus even more stressed. And then when he went out to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were drunk on his cheap rum and the rest had absconded somewhere.

 

Still, he could always start loading up the sleigh, so he did – until it cracked under the weight of all the PlayStations, Barbie houses and Xboxes. “This never happened when all the little buggers wanted was an Enid Blyton paperback and an orange”, fumed Santa Claus quietly, lighting a fag – which promptly set his beard on fire, Frantically thumping the sparks from what remained of his facial hair, Santa stomped off to the drinks cabinet to pour himself a large shot of whisky – only to find the New Deal elves had pinched it all and only the Schloer and the Sunny Delight was left.

 

It seemed things couldn’t get any worse.

 

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritable Santa stomped to the door. He opened it, and there was a smiling little angel carrying an enormous Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas Santa! Isn’t it a lovely day? I’ve got a beautiful tree for you here. Where would you like me to stick it?”

 

 

 

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

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