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Made Me Larf!


Guest The Modfather

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I remember when my kids were at school they were often told that it was the content of what they wrote, and not the way they wrote it, that mattered. I think things may have improved a bit since, but it is still not the same as when I was at school. I also don't think text speak helps, substituting numbers and letters to abbreviate things (m8 for mate, thnx for thank you and so on).

 

I always pick my daughter up when I ask her if she wants a drink and she replies "I don't want nothing". So you want something then? She can't quite grasp the double negative connotation.

 

The most common error I see is the correct use of there, their and they're, which is like the where, were or wear referred to in the advert. OMG, I am starting to sound like my Dad!!! :blush:

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Guest Ian & Carole

Turning into an English lesson, this one!!!!!

 

My pet hate is the use of the word "of" instead of "have" .......... I should of............ instead of... I should have.........

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think I will stay out of this one before my dyslexia shows through and why make a disorder related to spelling ( and numbers) so hard to spell. Correction/editing to spelling and grammar on my post is welcome just don't ask me to do it :crazy: :crazy:

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Guest alan rowe

the beauty of our Language

 

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of injections my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (surprise!).

 

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

 

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

 

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose two geese, so one moose, two meese? Doesn't it seem crazy, that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

 

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

 

Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

 

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human

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the beauty of our Language

 

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of injections my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (surprise!).

 

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

 

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

 

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose two geese, so one moose, two meese? Doesn't it seem crazy, that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

 

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

 

Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

 

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human

 

 

Pure Genius and just goes to show why the English language is considered one of the hardest languages to learn!

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Guest The Modfather

WOW. I really didn't post this expecting such a reaction. Some of you have taken time to write their replies, thank you.

Thankfully I haven't upset anyone as this was not the real intention.

I am currently watching a programme on TV regarding dyslexia, and it is so interesting. I have never considered myself dyslexic, but some points raised have struck a cord with myself. Some times I find myself having to think about how a word is spelt before I write it, and this can be some of the shortest words. However, I find that I can spell very long words instantly, and very easily. How does that work? I can read the side of a pharmaceutical packet or other chemical type word in one go, like chlorobenzalmalononitrile (CS gas agent) :pardon: Someone at work may pipe up "How do you spell......" and it will just come out, instantly, but then I find myself trying to write "how" and actually write "Who".

 

Alan's piece was interesting to read (or is that read?!?!) but this line: After a number of injections my jaw got number, is not gramatically correct. It should be "......my jaw became more numb", however I understand the context of how it was written, and why.

 

The english language is strange, but then so is French, with masculine and feminine words. Glad we don't have that, we just have words spelled the same way but meaning two different things....crazy world isn't it!

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Guest alan rowe

Hi All

 

Glad you all liked it -- I find our language fascinating

 

Now what do you think of this

 

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I

was rdanieg.

 

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in

waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt

tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit

pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed

it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos

not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but

the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas

tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

 

 

A

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And here is a gem about inflationary language. Basically you add 1 on to any number in a word so 'once upon a time' becomes Twice upon a time' etc.

 

Twice upon a time, there lived in Sunny Califivenia a young man named Bob. He was a third leiutelevenant in the US Air Fiveces. Bob had been fond of Anna, his one-and-a-half sister, ever since she saw the light of day for the second time. And all three of them were proud of the fact that two of his fivefathers had been among the crenineders of the US Constithreetion.

They were dining on the terrace. "Anna," he said as he took a bite of a marininded herring, "You look twoderful threenight. You never looked that lovely befive." Anna looked twoderful, despite of the illness from which she had not yet recupininded. "Yes," repeated Bob, "You look twoderful threenight...but you have three of the saddest eyes I have ever seen."

The table was tastefully deconinded with Anna's favorite flowers: Threelips. They were now talking about Anna's asseten husband, from whom she was sepeninded. While on the radio, an Irish elevenor sang "Tea For Three." it was midnight; A clock in the distance struck thirteen. And suddenly, there in the moonlight stood her husband Don Two, obviously intoxicnineded.

"Anna," he said, "Fivegive me. I am only young twice and you are my two and only." Bob jumped to his feet, "Get out of here, you three-faced triplecrosser!" But Anna warned, "Watch out, Bob. He is an officer." "Yes, he is two. But I am two three!"

Anytwo five elevennis?

"All right," said Don Two as he wiped his fivehead. He then left and when he was one-and-a-halfway through the revolving door, he muttered, "I'll go back to Elevennessee and be double again. Farewell, Anna. Three-de-loo,

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