A Bit Of Fun To Drain Away The Formality Of Life...

[Guest The Modfather]

There was a contruction worker who was working on a high rise building when he fell 15 stories to his death.

 

He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said "Oh, I am sorry, my son. But you have been sentenced to hell."

 

The worker agreed - not like he could do anything else - and he was on his way.

 

When he arrived, the devil looked at him and said, "Ah! A new slave. We shall burn you and throw you in the fiery pits."

 

Then the worker replied, "That wall could use a bit of patching. I could fix it first and you could throw me in the pit afterward." So he fixed the wall.

 

Satan, intrigued, asked, "What else can you build?"

 

So the construction worker went about his job and made many improvements; in fact, by the time he was done, hell was a paradise. It had air conditioning, pools, balconies, you name it.

 

Within a few days, God phoned Satan and said, "I think there has been a mix-up. That worker was originally supposed to come to heaven."

 

Satan replied, "No way -- he's built all sorts of useful stuff for us. We're keeping him."

 

God then said, "Oh, yeah? Well, I'll see you in court. We're going to sue you for this man's soul and damages."

 

Satan just laughed:

 

 

 

 

 

"And where are you going to find a lawyer in heaven?"

[fry61]

Played any snooker lately?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No; the last balls I hit was when I stepped on a rake.

[Guest graham dockerill]

My mate has offered me a 42 inch plasma for £50 but the volume does'nt work, but at that price I can't turn it down

[Guest SEgan]

Tiger Woods drives his Volvo into a petrol station while on vacation to 'rediscover' himself.

Liam, putting air in his tyre, greets him in a typical friendly manner, unaware who the golf pro is. "Top o' da morning to you young fella!"

 

As Tiger leans over to get out of the car, two tees fall out of his top pocket onto the ground. "What are they son?", asks Liam.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"And what would they be for then?", inquires Liam.

"They're for resting my balls on while I am driving," says Tiger Woods.

 

"Jaysus",says Liam, "Them boys at Volvo just think of everything!"

[Guest shaggy]

Theme really needs to be kept on the line of worst jokes, not funny ones. Stick with the french jokes...

 

Why do frenchmen only have one egg for breakfast?

 

because one egg is en euf

 

Si

[Guest bimboone]

ordered a desert and they brought me a horse with a blind fold on i said no i ordered mascarpone.

check please!!!

[Guest Angel Boy]

what do you call a deer with no eyes?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

no idea.

 

What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

still no idea

[philshelton]

what do you call a indian between 2 houses

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ali

[Shaft]

what do you call a indian between 2 houses

 

Ali

 

Now that is BAD

 

Top marks Phil.

[harvs]

What's green, hairy and moves up and down?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A gooseberry in a lift

[Guest bimboone]

if russia entered turkey from the rear would greece help?

[Guest snotfart]

A woman's dog is drowning in the sea.

 

A passing German tourist dives in, pulls out the dog, resuscitates it & saves its life.

 

'Are you a vet?' said the woman.

 

'Vet?' said the German "I'm Fâ¦ing soaked!"

[philshelton]

what do you call a india between 2 houses with a pair of scissors

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ali bar bar

[philshelton]

how do you confuse a caterham owner

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

open the bonnet and ask wher the oil goes

[Guest dinger]

How do you confuse an irish builder?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Show hin a row of spades and tell him to take his pick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!