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A Blast form the past. I.T. Agony Aunt Letter.

 

18 months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which I had used for years without problems. However there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try to run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Ladsnightout 3.1, Football 4.5 and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program Slapper 2.1 but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually I installed the updated Girlfriend 1.6 and tried to run it without first uninstalling Girlfriend 1.0, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe hardware damage.

After a lot of thought I upgraded to Fiancé 1.0 but found that this product was time limited and had to be upgraded to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to be heavy on resources it does come bundled with Free Sex Platinum, Clean_house 2004 and Cooking 3.71. After some experience of running Wife 1.0 I was dismayed to find that it can become very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made seem to be permanently logged and could not be deleted. They then surfaced months later when I had forgotten all about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary function that ensures it never misses an anniversary and its Explorer and E-mail filters track all my actions and delete any privacy passwords I set. Often without warning Wife 1.0 will launch Turbostrop or Whinge. These latter programs have no help files and I am left to guess what the problem is. Wife 1.0 also needs regular expensive updates using Shoeshop Browser and Hairstyle Express. When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 convertible hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with a malicious little Trojan called Mother-in-Law which takes over the system and can’t be turned off.

Recently I have been tempted to install Mistress 2007 but this could be a problem. A friend told me that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2007 it logs into your bank account and transfers all your money before uninstalling itself.

Can you please advise on the best course of action? Should I continue with Wife 1.0 or is there an alternative?

 

Nigel

 

Dear Subscriber

This is a very common problem for men users of the Wife 1.0 software but it's mostly down to a misconception of the nature of the software. Many men upgrade from the Girlfriend software with the primary misconception that Wife 1.0 is a utilities and entertainments package. Wife 1.0 is an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert to Girlfriend 1.7. Hidden operating files left behind in your system cause Girlfriend 1.7 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. These hidden files are impossible to uninstall, delete or purge from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.7 because Wife 1.0 just will not permit this. As a workaround some have tried to install Girlfriend 1.8 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the problems as they come up. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself I suggest you read the entire section in the manual under general partnership faults (GPFs). It clearly states that you must assume all responsibility for all faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action is using the command line C:/Apologise. In any case avoid use of the Esc key as this just delays resolution via the C:/Apologise which will temporarily return the system to normal. Wife 1.0 is a great program but very high maintenance. Consider installing some of the following upgrades and addons to Wife 1.0, as they can all give some temporary improvement. I recommend Necklaces 3.2, Chocolates 5.0 and Flowers 2.1. As the ultimate try any version of Healthspa_Weekend. It can be of considerable benefit as it temporarily deletes Wife 1.0 from your system and when it re-installs, Wife 1.0 seems to run better for a few days.

Do not under any circumstances use Secretary 3.3, even though it claims to offer all the functions of Wife 1.0 and run direct from CD without installing any files on the system. It rapidly conflicts with Wife 1.0 causing irreversible damage to the system.

 

Addendum from another consultant.

My experience has been that Wife 2.0 is more stable than 1.0 and is more comprehensively featured. This may however be because my copy of Wife 1.0 turned out to be shareware.

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Guest JimMearns

Bob - the hardware only versions can be good, however, mine failed and I had to upgrade to wife 2.0.

Problem is after a year Ross 1.0 arrived and all hell broke loose. Still Ross 1.0 combined with Wife 2.0 malkes for an interesting and fulfilled life.

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Guest The Modfather

My system operated Wife 1.0 for 8 years without any real glitches until mate 2.9 came along and uninstalled it for me. I found I couldn't operate for ages without Wife 1.0 and contemplated an unknown program to me called End_Life 999, however after installing about 70% I decided that it wasn't for me and managed to get hold of Back-on-Track 2.1 and recovered from an almost complete system failure, and ran on Lonely_Sole 1.0 for a while.

I then found NewBird 2.0 and this system worked really well and was totally compatible with me, then in 2 years we upgraded to New_Home 3 bed detached operating on a lovely Country_Pad platform, still being very happy. NewBird 2.0 then became Fiancee 2.0 and after several more years we tried to get Baby 1.0, but that never came, so we kept trying to download this in so many ways we burnt out my hard-drive through constant inputing and refreshing.

The next idea was try GP 1.8 and after some software and firmware checks, we found that my system hardware was fine, but the Fiancee 2.0's software wasn't functioning properly, however we found out that we were eligible for IVFx3 on Freeware. This took over a year to arrive, so in the meantime we decided to plan for Wedding 2.0 on a grand scale so that I could get Wife 2.0, as life was rosey indeed, and a bright future laid ahead for us. It was 3 months before Wife 2.0 arrived that Fiancee 2.0 had a massive system failure and decided that Wedding 2.0 wasn't compatible, and decided to erase that part of it's memory. Yes I lost all that money invested in what I thought was a life time program, and found myself having to re-install my old copy of Lonely_Sole 1.0. This ran for about 6 months but I was still thinking a lot about Fiancee 2.0 and how we really loved each other, and after checking that the Fiancee 2.0 system was not having it's software used elsewhere, we decided to try for compatability again. Within days Fiancee 2.0 was re-installed and back in my tower. Software and firmware were heavily abused!

11 months later, Fiancee 2.0 suffered a FULL FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE and I was back on Lonely_Sole 1.0. Fiancee 2.0 stayed stuck in my tower for 8 months as a background bug, and I thought I'd never get it out of my system, but after throwing over £190,000 at it, I finally erased it and managed to keep my tower. I then tried NewBird 3.0 but found out that this program was raving mad and instantly deleted it, and quickly, but unexpectedly found NewBird 4.0 totally out of the blue, when we both turned up to someone trying to install End_Life 999. NewBird 4.0 managed to save this chaps operating system whilst I managed to get her and him to the big Life Saving System in double quick time. However NewBird 4.0 was allegedly uploading illegal substances and I quickly re-installed Lonely_Sole 1.0 totally deleting NewBird 4.0 without a second thought. It only took 11 keypad inputs and a quick voice recognition input of "Get Lost Junkie", and it was gone!

Then came NewBird 5.0 who had a 13 year old secondary operating system, but after checking for compatibility, we all found that our systems worked well together, and after selling my tower, moved into Newbird 5.0's tower. Within 18 months we decide to try Wedding 3.0, and this was such a beautiful moment for me and I was now using Wife 2.0 (Second Edition), It was a truly memorable moment, and I can say that we haven't looked back since!

We now have a Four-Bed tower, and really happy with each others opearting systems, including amazing software and firmware interactions that can last for ages.

Moral of this story: It make take many years and many unsuccessful downloads of NewBird, Fiancee and Wife operating systems, and you may have to spend extreme amounts of money deleting some programs and selling Towers, but when you find the right system for you, treat it with respect, and most of all, be faithfull to it!

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