Tandem Story

[Guest Guy]

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"

offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an

actual class assignment:

 

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a

new

form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will

pair

off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.

 

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a

short

story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another

copy

to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then

add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending

another

copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so

on,

back-and-forth.

 

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep

the

story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of these

emails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The

story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

 

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students,

Rebecca and Gary:

 

 

THE STORY (first paragraph by Rebecca)

 

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The

chamomile, which used to be her favourite for lazy evenings at home,

now

reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he

liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind

off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about

him

too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of

the

question.

 

(second paragraph by Gary)

 

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron

now

in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than

the

neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had

spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,"

he

said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No

sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish

particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his

ship's

cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat

and across the cockpit.

 

(Rebecca)

 

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt

one

last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had

ever

had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless

hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes

Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel", Laurie read in her

newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored

her.

She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had

passed

unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to

distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful

things

around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she

pondered wistfully.

 

(Gary)

 

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.

Thousands

of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of

its

lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the

Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left

Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were

determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the

passage

of the treaty the Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying

enough

firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them;

they

swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile

entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret

mobile

submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt

the

inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

 

(Rebecca)

 

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My

writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

 

(Gary)

 

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centred tedious neurotic whose

attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I

have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA???

Oh

no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many

Danielle Steele novels!"

 

(Rebecca)

 

 

 

As*hole!

 

(Gary)

 

 

 

B*tch!

 

(Rebecca)

 

*bleep* YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

 

(Gary)

 

In your dreams, Ho! Go drink some tea.

 

 

(English Professor:)

 

A+ - I really liked this one!