I See Now

[Guest Bernie]

I was tidying up some directories and files at work today and came across this little gem. There is nothing to indicate the origin of the file but my compliments to the writer and I hope you don't mind me reproducing your work here:

 

 

A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke by Joseph Lucas

 

All electrical components and wiring harnesses depend on proper circuit

functioning, which is the transmission of charged ions by retention of the

visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke". Smoke is the thing that

makes electrical circuits work. Don't be fooled by scientists and engineers

talking about excited electrons and the like. Smoke is the key to all things

electrical

 

We know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of

an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly

through empirical testing. For example, if one places a large copper

bar across the terminals of a battery, prodigious quantities of smoke

are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to function. In addition,

if oneobserves smoke escaping from an electrical component such as

a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed that the component

no longer functions.

 

The logic is elementary and inescapable! The function of the wiring

harness is to conduct the smoke from one device to another. When

the wiring harness springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the

system, nothing works right afterward.

 

Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles

for some time largely because they regularly released large quantities

of smoke from the electrical system.

 

It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly

more prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch or Japanese

counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British,

and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock

absorbers, hydraulic forks, and disk brake systems leak fluid, British

tyres leak air and British Intelligence leaks national defence secrets.

 

Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke.

Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.

 

Sometimes you may miss the component releasing the smoke that

makes your electrical system function correctly, but if you sniff around

you can often find the faulty component by the undeniable and telltale

smoke smell. Sometimes this is a better indicator than standard

electrical tests performed with a volt-ohm meter.

 

In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy

in the form of smoke provides a clear and logical explanation of the

mysteries of electrical components and why they fail.

 

 

"A gentleman does not motor about after dark."

- Joseph Lucas, 1842-1903

[Guest daveg]

Bernie

 

That made me smile while trying to get answers from that famous, useless, high St store, Comet who fail to deliver...maybe too much smoke from their delivery vehicles as they never turn up! :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry:

 

Dave

[Guest Chris.A.]

like it Bernie! a gem