The Cat / Witty One

[Guest vacinc]

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

 

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

 

My wife went out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. so, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

 

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed.. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

 

The cab driver hit a parked car...

 

And another

 

Assistance ?

 

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, a lovely looking

woman became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to

the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with

a

quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her

skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a

little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her

skirt

a little more, and for the second time attempted the step

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a

little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her

up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled,

"How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with

you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was

friends."

Edited July 17, 2007 by vacinc