Made Me Laugh!

[Mat-Moo]

:In Honour of Stupid People

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

 

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.

(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

 

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(the shoplifter special?)

 

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."

(and that would be how???....)

 

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

 

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."

(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

 

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."

(...and you thought????...)

 

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."

(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

 

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

 

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

 

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(and...I'm taking this because???....)

 

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."

(as opposed to...what)?

 

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."

(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

 

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."

(talk about a news flash)

 

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

 

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company I blame the parents for this one.)

 

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

[Guest bloke]

made me laugh too

 

Mcdonalds coffee - contents may be hot! (due to peolple holding the cup between their legs while driving - ouch!)

 

 

 

on a robin hood kit car...

 

theres got to be some joke in there somewhere!

[Peter Bell]

on a robin hood kit car...

 

May contain Nutz!

 

Peter

[Guest Battery Bill]

May contain Nutz!

Unless they are the lower ball joint ones and have fell off

[Guest Guy]

on a robin hood kit car...

One kit + one donor is all you nead

[Guest battery joe]

did you by any change take these from the worlds stupidest signs book?

got it here well good

[Mat-Moo]

No via email

[Guest Feek]

Not quite the same, but my favourite newspaper headlines include:

 

58 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists)

 

1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

6. Farmer Bill Dies in House

7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

9. Stud Tires Out

10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

15. Eye Drops off Shelf

16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death

23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree

25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84

30. War Dims Hope for Peace

31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

35. Deer Kill 17,000

36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

50. Air Head Fired

51. Steals Clock, Faces Time

52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff

53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

58. Include your Children When Baking Cookies

 

 

Feek...