Training Courses - Book Now!

[Al Milton]

Summer Classes for Men at

THE LEARNING CENTER

 

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

By Friday, June 29th 2009

 

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL

OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

 

 

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

 

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?

Round Table Discussion..

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

 

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

 

Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning

At 7:00 PM

 

Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

 

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Open Forum

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

 

Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.

Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

 

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

 

Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

Online Classes and role-playing

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

 

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

 

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

 

Class 14

The Stove/Oven-- What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

 

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[Guest bone]

is that a nvq qualification when finished lol

[Knock-on]

Evening Classes for Women

 

Note: Due to the intense nature of the course material, each session has a maximum of eight participants.

 

Topic 1: Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

 

Topic 2: The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.

 

Topic 3: Parties: Going Without New Outfits

 

Topic 4: Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First

 

Topic 5: Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking

 

Topic 6: Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

 

Topic 7: Telephone Skills - How to hang up in less than 30 minutes

 

Topic 8: Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

 

Topic 9: Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both

 

Topic 10: Introduction to Parking

 

Topic 11: Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

 

Topic 12: Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

 

Topic 13: Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Own

 

Topic 14: Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

 

Topic 15: Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

 

Topic 16: Cooking: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

 

Topic 17: TV Remotes: For Men Only

[Guest pwlcarz]

Additionally my pet hate...

 

Topic 18: Checking your handbag: You don't have to do it in the store exit!

 

Have you noticed how women will buy stuff in a store, walk to the exit, take one step outside then STOP! Check handbag!

 

They do it everywhere, supermarkets, department stores....

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or is it just me...?