Notice To Employees

[Al Milton]

Dear Employees,

 

 

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy,

 

Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of

 

age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE

 

(Retire Aged People Early).

 

 

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the

 

SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been

 

RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering

 

Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and

 

SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

 

 

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for

 

Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early

 

Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED

 

or SCREWED any further by Management.

 

 

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much S***

 

(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided

 

itself on the amount of S*** it gives employees. Should you feel that you

 

do not receive enough S***, please bring to the attention of your

 

Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the S*** you can

 

handle!

 

 

Enjoy the Holidays!

 

Sincerely,

 

The Management

[Guest fozzy2007]

lol very good. gunna have to chuck a copy of this up in work.

[fry61]

To the (former) employee who dreamt this up on my time ---you're Stuffed along with you P45 in your final pay packet---Regards The Management & no I can't think of words that will spell-out STUFFED---you can do that in your wall to wall free time that you are about to start enjoying.