Seasons Greetings

[Guest Ian & Carole]

Merry Christmas and a Happy new Year to one and all.

Hope to see old friends and new in 2014.

See you all at Stoneleigh.

Carole & Ian

 

It was December 1987 and a Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg at night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife.

 

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied.

 

"No, I'm sure it was just rain", he said.

 

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing when they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them.

 

"Let's not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing."

 

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

 

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on.

 

But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!"

 

To which the man replied:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

[Guest shaggy]

Santa walks into a bar,

 

 

 

no no no, I simply can't compete with that Ian..............................

 

All the best

[richardm6994]

What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies??????

Snowballs

 

Why did the snowman have a smile on his face??????

Because the snowblower was coming down the road

 

What did the little candle say to the big candle???????

I’m going out tonight!

 

Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?????

Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

 

 

:crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:

[Graham385]

With Xmas upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" with friends. Well two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several beers followed by a couple of bottles of some rather nice red wine.

 

 

Although feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.

 

 

That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab.

 

 

Sure enough on the way home there was a police roadblock but since it was a cab they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.

 

 

This was a real surprise, as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.

 

 

So if you want to borrow it give me a call.

 

Merry Christmas to all

 

Graham & Annette

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Derek]

Holiday Greetings to Everyone!

 

- Important - Please Read

 

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends, but it is so difficult in today's world

to know exactly what to say without offending someone.

So, I met with my attorney yesterday and on his advice, I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious,

socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the solstice holiday,

practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your

choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their

choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of

the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2014, but not without due respect for the calendars

of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great

(not to imply that our country is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to

the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the recipient.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms.

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.

It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the

wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited

by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period

of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first and

warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of

the wisher.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message. However, a significant number of

electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

 

 

Happy whatever floats your boat!

[Al Milton]

Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and Santa brings you your dreams.

 

Speaking of dreams.............

 

 

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?” The Princess said, “No!!!”

 

 

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and screwed skinny long-legged big-titted women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to strip bars and dated women half his age and drank whisky, beer and red wine and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and kept his house and golf clubs and ate sausage and chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool and he had tons of money in the bank and he always left the loo seat up.

 

 

The End

 

Have a good time folks :drinks: