Cows

[Dave R]

Cow Economics

 

SOCIALISM:

You have 2 cows

and you give one to your neighbour.

 

COMMUNISM:

You have 2 cows

the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

 

FASCISM:

You have 2 cows

the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

 

NAZISM:

You have 2 cows.

The Government takes both and shoots you.

 

BUREAUCRATISM:

You have 2 cows

the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the

milk away...

 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy

grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

 

A FRENCH CORPORATION: (i love this one)

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

 

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow

and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow

cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

 

A GERMAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and

milk themselves.

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows

But you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

 

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and

learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2

cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

 

A SWISS CORPORATION:

You have 5000 cows

None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

 

A CHINESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high

bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You worship them.

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

 

AN IRISH FARMER:

You have two cows.

You claim government subsidies for eight cows

 

 

 

AND

 

The company I work for.....

 

You have 2 cows. You cannot milk them because the cows have not been assigned cow numbers. You hold 10 meetings to determine if a cow number can be set up. You agree at final meeting that a cow number can be set up. You wait 14 months for minutes of meeting to be distributed s “DRAFT”. You wait 14 months for all mistakes in minutes to be incorporated into “FINAL DRAFT to be issued. You wait 14 months for comments on Final Draft to be incorporated and “FINAL DRAFT INCLUDING COMMENTS” to be issued. You hold 4 more meetings to determine who is responsible for assigning cow numbers. You hire a new member of staff to deal with assigning cow numbers. This person has years of experience in their field but unfortunately cant count and doesn’t know what a cow is. You set up a training regimen for your new member of staff and allocate resources to bring your new member of staff “up to speed” in numbers and cows. You hold a meeting with central administration to discuss your new member of staff’s claim for a pay rise due to increased qualifications since joining the fire (i.e numbers and cows). You give your new member of staff a pay rise. Your new member of staff is now of course too qualified to be assigning numbers to cows so you advertise for a new member of staff who will be known as the “Temporary Assisstant Bovine Numeric Designator”…………………

__________________

[Guest TerryBarry]

Bl**dy Wonderful

 

I used to work for a company like yours

[Snapperpaul]

Very good

 

especially like.....

“Temporary Assisstant Bovine Numeric Designator”…………………

 

could be a lot of work places

[Guest Battery Bill]

Good one Dave

[Mat-Moo]

HE HE

[Guest Ian & Carole]

I work for the "company" in the last paragraph!

 

Spend two days a week wasting my life in meetings about the last and next meeting

 

Ian J

[Guest red7]

Sounds like the place where I work. On the first Tuesday of the month we spend 6 hours in a meeting discusing how to improve efficency!

[Guest docter fox]

hmm COWS....

 

dam target's pee me off

[Guest peter2b2002]

DEFRA stikes again I know , i've got 11 cows (dextas)

pete2b

[E.Hunt]

work for a company that never has meetings, Didn't even know we had cows let alone getting anybody to count them

[Guest vacinc]

your milking that a bit ?

[Guest micky bigthumbs]

come on pull the udder one

[swan]

that really is Bull

 

Swan

[Guest micky bigthumbs]

And after Eurovision its Mooo sik to my ears

[DAVE CASTLE]

When i got married my father in law promised me a Cow

and two fields i`m still waiting for the two fields

Dave