Al Milton

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ___________________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ______________________ ________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: ; Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you *bleep*tin' me? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh... I was gettin' laid! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS : Are you *bleep*tin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Guess. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 P.M. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at t he time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And the best for last: ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.

Asked the questions to the misses. Question 1: Are you passionate? Her first answer: Dunno!!! Sometimes I wonder........... Eventually came out as a Mustang Al

Hi Bob/Phill, Photo attached. As you can see, the pedals seem to be too far to the right, causing the cables to be 'kinked' correspondingly, the positions being dictated, I think, by the brake pedal, to give approx 50mm spacing between each pedal. However, if I move the brake pedal to be centrally located in the master cylinder clevis pin, then I get serious fouling on the steering shaft/column union (as in it won't rotate as it it jammed against the pedal!). I am considering buying a new set of pedals as I may have had a bum set. I've already had to modify the brake pedal to get clearance around the union mentioned above. I like the idea of a jubilee clip, nice and simple Phill. Cheers Al

Chevy Corvette

Daft questions I know, but am I missing the bleedin obvious? I have the clutch cable bolted through the pedal and is secure, but there is a 'kink' to the cable from the the input of the pedal box, which doesn't look right, it kinks approx 4-5mm towards the brake pedal. Also, is there a way to secure the threaded clutch cable 'flange' that passes through the pedal box front? Another one, how does the accelerator cable secure to the inside of the pedal box on the plastic flange/grommet thing? Any pointers appreciated. Cheers Al

And to think my misses was a little uncertain circumnavigating the City wall around York

Would it be an idea to use exhaust wrap on the exposed exhaust manifold/outlet pipework prior to it mating with the catalytic converter/silencer? Might not look too smart, but could be painted?? Sure there have been posts about painting exhaust wrap somewhere Just a thought that popped into my head. Al

2,000 HP Outboard Inflatable .. Here's the latest drug runner toy from Europe . This thing belts across the English channel 3 times per week and was just a blur on the radar of the British Coast Guard. They were so astonished by the speed of the unknown craft, they brought in a special high speed helicopter to chase it. Drugs were found on board Of course, you'd have to be on drugs to put the throttle down on this rig. Boat_small.bmp

All the best for the test Tony Al

Would drive home to get the digital

Thanks Matthew. Al

Well done Matthew, looking forward to the pics. Out of interest, how much did the ECU and mapping cost? (Just in case mine doesn't work when the time comes!!) Al

Hi Andy, Hope these give you a few pointers: It looks like you brackets have been welded 'inside out'. I mean the weld needs to be disc side of the ball joint, you appear to have the weld chassis side of the ball joint. Looks like you've got to fire up the grinder and turn the bracket round as you have said and re-weld. You can't beat a bit of Quality Control can you Good luck Al

Hi Andy, Don't know if these help, but just taken a couple of piccies of my front cycle wing brackets for your comparison Cheers Al

Gavin, that'd be cool. It's a balmy 29C here at present Shame about the templates, i'll have a go at knocking some up I think. If i'm going to do it, now is the time. Thanks for the formula Dave. Cheers Al

Wow Gavin, looks enticing the more I look at it. Guess that if I was to do this sort of thing, now is the time during the original build, although rather than weld in situ, i'd probably bolt it and reinforce the joins with angle, or secure with bolted 20mm returns and sealed with silicon. Did you use 0.5mm plate? Being a bit cheeky now, but has your mate still got the templates for the boot panels? Do you know what the tank capacity is? Sorry for the questions, but as I said the more I look....... Cheers Al

Tony, If you could get some pics that would be great, but your pointers are concisive if you can't get any pics. Gavin, nice fabrication and tank, how long did it take to fabricate? This is certainly another option..... Thanks for the pointers. Al

Hi, Has anyone had any experience with fitting these? I have a pair of panels that 'in-fill' the space between the edge of the standard tank and rear panel. Do they screw to the chassis cross bracing that is directly in front of the tank? Is it best to remove the rear panel for fitting these and cut and adjust the in-fill panels to suit? Any help/pointers appreciated. Cheers Al

One Star Hangover * No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries. Two Star Hangover ** No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels. Three Star Hangover *** Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavoured schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke -- yet you haven't peed once. Four Star Hangover **** Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five sh*ts you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom. Five Star Hangover ***** You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now.... ! THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Innovative Preliminary Proliferation Cinnamon Indubitably THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Thanks, but I don't want to have s*x! Nope, no more booze for me! Sorry, but you're not really my type... Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight? Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing!

Did RH have Quality Control before Richard Hall took over then? Al

Am coming over Bob, see you there. The other half is also coming along so that I can enjoy a pint or two Al

Unfortunately couldn't make the hog roast and camping as the other half has an aversion to 8 legged things, (and cold and rain), but judging by the number of cars there on the Saturday a good time must have been had. The turnout knocked the other stands well into the shade. Well done all round most impressive, I can imagine the numbers there with the sun shining!! The cars looked great, if a little wet It was good to meet a few other members and buy my baseball caps (one for the other half as well), just have to get my car built now. Will work on the other half for camping for next year Al

Very delicately put Their response will be interesting, but not as well composed Al

Yup, happens to me all the time as well Must be why I keep getting asked if I want decking

I'm not usually one for posting warnings about potential scams but I had a close call yesterday. I walked into B&Q hardware store at lunchtime and some old guy dressed in a black shirt with an orange apron on asked me if I wanted decking. Fortunately, I got the first punch in and sorted the bugger out. Those less suspicious might not be so lucky. Pass this warning on.